Crazy, isn't it? The people who ignore your sage and logical advice are always the ones who come running when it goes belly up. This is the stage in life where you have to choose between smacking them up the side of the head or biting your tongue.
Luckily, this blog is typed so my poor, sore tongue doesn't have to do any of the work. I'm tested, though, I don't mind admitting it. I'm not really prone to smacking people, however much I would like to sometimes. But I am prone to a good sharp sentence or two, perfectly constructed and out of my mouth before I realise who said it.
Surprisingly, I have held off this time, most likely because I'm absolutely exhausted this week and was too weary to be caustic. Usually, I do say what I feel and think and then wonder why the person who ignored my advice is weeping on my front step, unable to gather the strength to go home.
I am ticked off, though. As a mistress of self-sabotage I can feel it hanging in the air with some people. For myself, it can be hard to spot - in others, it might as well be flying past with Snoopy at the controls. And again, for myself, if someone was to say, Do Not Do This Thing, well, sometimes I would listen as usually my self-sabotage goes right under the radar and isn't apparent to me or others until it is too late.
I would go as far as to say that professional self-sabotage always has an element of secrecy about it. As aspies, we are used to second-guessing ourselves so if we are to self-sabotage, we need to be able to divert our attention so we don't spot it when it happens. It's only looking back that you realise this step led to that and then the next step led to a trip.
With other people, it seems so simple. You see where they are going before they reach the first step, perhaps because they are better at expressing themselves and plotting things out? Or they are more likely to share how they are thinking and feeling? I know I'm not very open, in real-life at least, with my thoughts and feelings, often because I'm afraid of the usual criticism coming.
For others, sure of themselves and the way they think, it must be easier to express themselves, which then makes it easier for me to see it as it happens. And when I see where things are going and point them out, and am ignored, it can be very frustrating.
So, some time later, a sorry and sad person comes to me, surprised and horrified at how it all turned out, wanting to bend my ear with the details but not have any real reaction. I am supposed to be sympathetic and, possibly murmur 'there there' while I put the kettle on.
Oh, it's hard, you know? Having the right words to say, the logic to apply to it and seeing the whole shenanigan laid out bare and obvious in front of me. What is an aspie to do? How far can you stretch kindness and tolerance before it snaps back and takes your eye out?
Only so far, readers. Sooner or later, whether I like it or not, the comments I bite back at the wrong time escape and become a conversation, probably at what I think is the right time. It usually isn't the right time. Sometimes there is never a right time to tell someone they were a damn fool for not listening to you in the first place. They do tend to take it so personally.
Aspies have no sympathy; except that we do, we honestly do. Just don't expect too much of it if you will keep on running at the same wall and then wondering why you bounce right off when you hit it.
Amanda
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